Me and jacOb had much fun. But I wasent entertained by him. I felt bOred in sOme kinda way with him, that made me nOt want tO see him really. SOo we cOol'd it dOwn and tOok a break. SOo wit my head still wrapped in the game and On my prawl. [I gOt the thinking that . . .] I wasn't that niggas girlfriend sOo I had the right tO gO Out and search again fOr whatever I sOo please.
By this time its secOnd semester in my secOnd year in cOllege. And I gOt new classes and new buddies. [:-D]
SOo next On the list
Is . . .
DERELL!!!
I had the audasity tO take an acting class. That was @ 6:3Oa class. All bc "B" cOusin wanted me tO take it with him. SmH, never again I thOught tO myself. The Only gOod thing abOut that damn class is that we had a lOt Of fun grOup activities Outside. And by the time we gOt Outside tO dO the activities it was already 7:3Oa. But there was this One day we went Out and did a grOup activity and I saw this guy that lOwkey lOoked like T.I. But he had hazel eyes. And u knO when u catch the eye Of sOmeOne u knOw Of but don't knO persOnally ur gOnna try tOo keep catchin they eye. And see the crazy thing abOut me is that I'm always dOwn fOr meeting a new friend. [Wink, wink] I'm always dOwn fOr tryin new ish. Haha.
Anyways, fOr a whOole week i wOuld see him at the same time walkin in the same directiOn. Til finally One day we didn't have a grOup activity but I had tO gO tO the bathrOom [;-)]. I left class at excatly 7:3Oa and he was walkin rt pass my class rOom. [Smh, the thOughts that I had in my mind was OutragOus] sOo I gOt bOld and said "hi, derell" then what flipped me Out next was the statement he said after that "hellO, tiffani" he said. I must Of flipped my lid. Cause i hOnestly didn't knO he knew my name.
[Okay fOlks, let me make sure u guys are clear. I'm a 2O year Old sOphmOre flirtin wit
a 18 year Old freshman. Haha]
SOo days went by and we wOuld talk, until One day he came Over because he fOund Out that I lived clOse by his friend. [Ha! Rrriiiggghhhttt!] we chilled and watched a mOvie. And BAM!!! We started kiss'n. This muthafucca really knew hOw tOo kiss me tOo. NOt tOo rOugh and nOt tOo sOft. SOo frOm then On I knew that's hOw I wanted tO be kissed. NOn the less this niggas dick was muchO big. :-) but I knew I wasent gOnna back dOwn. [My mOtO: always try sOmething @ least Once. If u don't like it juss thrOw it away. Ha!] anyways we was fuckin like crazy. Everyday after class we was sOmewhere fuckin. And the funny thing abOut it was we wOuld still see eachOther every mOrning and still say "hi" like we didn't knOw we were gOnna be fuckin in like 15m anyways. Lol.
SOo thru all that I started meetin the dudes he hung arOund. OMG. U wouldn't believe whO caught my eye. . .
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
The stOry abOut JacOb. hmmm.
Well, there was this guy and his name was "B" [we'll juss say that fOr censOring thru Out this reading :o)] and man I guess u can say that we were in lOve. I mean we were never apart. Waited fOr eachOther after class. We tOok the same bus rOutes. Haha. AnywhO we was tOgether pretty lOng. But lets be hOnest, behind all that make-up is an ugly face. I mean we wasent really all the happy.
Ok, sO a mOnth b4 all this was figured Out I talked tO a guy whO's name was "D" [censOring name :o)] yOu knO a girls gOtta have a back up plan. Ha! Anyways B and D played On the same basketball team. They didn't really like eachOther. Blah! [Don't lOok @ me like that I wasent technically cheating and D knew I was dating B :o(] sOo lets zOom further ahead when me and B decided tO break it Off.
SOo we brOke it Off. And right after I did that I called D I went tO see him and we fucked, he was my first real fuck and I'd have tO say that I didn't like it. I actually hated it. Anyways, B fOund Out and slander'd my name all Over myspace. [SOo, embarassing] callin me the names in the bOok. I mean he didn't use my real name nOt One time in the whOooole blOg. SmH. He filped Out cause they was On the same team. I'm like blah. Blah. Blah. Anyways!!!
SOo since I was single I surely ready tO migle. I was 2O @ this age. Wasent a virgin but I wasent gettin it like I shOuld. I was On the prawl fOr gOod, lOng, thick, black, DICK! [Yea, I said it girl DICK :O)] and bOy was my jOurney a delightful One. [Hmm.] I've ran acrOss a jOurney Of dick. FrOm lOng, shOrt, skinny, way tOo big, tO just perfect.
SOo the first nigga I wanna intrOduce u tOo On my timeline Of black men that can and cannOt fuck!
Is . . .
JACOB!!!
Man, he was the first nigga I ran up tOo after that whOle fiascO wit ex #1 B went dOwn. Truthfully/hOnestly I met him Off myspace and we bOth went tO the same schOol. We actually, had a few classes clOse by eachOther sOo when we chatted On myspace we wOuld try tO figure Out whO we were b4 actually have'n a actual meet date. Hahah! It was actually funny because we was really try'n figure Out whO we were. Anyways, that didnt last tO lOng until we actually set a date. Haha we met and juss started bustin up cause we've seen eachOther everyday. But turn away when we get that eye cOntact. [SOo, 7th grade] sOo we chilled. FOund Out we had a grip in cOmmOn. And we lOved that. We lOved that we bOth didn't want a relatiOnship, but we really wanted tO have fun.
SOo, Our first encOunter was @ my hOuse. Okay we was bOth stallin fOr a lil bit. It was crazy hahah. But Once we started kissin and rubbin :o) it was all dOwn hill frOm there. That nigga tOok me tO a whOle Other wOrld. I felt like u was On anOther planet. Hahaha.
We was dOin stuff in the pOrns we wOuld sneak tO watch. There was One pOsitiOn he wOuld dO when he was hittin it frOm the back and he had me in a lOwkey chOke hOld. Hahaha. SmH. That SHIT was the bOmb. That shit made me gO crazy. SOo I decided tOo try sOmething I saw in One Of them pOrns, and that was suckin dick. [OMG,Yessss, I said dick. Lol] sOo I went dOwn On him all sexy. U knO I started kiss in him and then his neck went dOwn tO his chest and was givin sOft mOist kisses. Cause sOmeOne being a jerk tOld me that I had DSL's @ the time I didn't knO what it meant but I asked JACOB. And he tOld me I had Dick Sucking Lips. Hahah sOo I put the tOo use. And as far as it being my first time I HATED IT. Cause @ 2O I wanted tO dO the whOle nine I wanted tO dO the whOle sexual experience. Where I can lOose my ass in a wOrld Of lust and emtiOns. Hahaha. [What a fairy tale] sOo fOr almOst year we juss fucked and I never put my mOuth On him. SOoo sOon Our sexual experience gOt bOring. BOring. BOring. [SmH] . . .
We had fun but . . .
Ok, sO a mOnth b4 all this was figured Out I talked tO a guy whO's name was "D" [censOring name :o)] yOu knO a girls gOtta have a back up plan. Ha! Anyways B and D played On the same basketball team. They didn't really like eachOther. Blah! [Don't lOok @ me like that I wasent technically cheating and D knew I was dating B :o(] sOo lets zOom further ahead when me and B decided tO break it Off.
SOo we brOke it Off. And right after I did that I called D I went tO see him and we fucked, he was my first real fuck and I'd have tO say that I didn't like it. I actually hated it. Anyways, B fOund Out and slander'd my name all Over myspace. [SOo, embarassing] callin me the names in the bOok. I mean he didn't use my real name nOt One time in the whOooole blOg. SmH. He filped Out cause they was On the same team. I'm like blah. Blah. Blah. Anyways!!!
SOo since I was single I surely ready tO migle. I was 2O @ this age. Wasent a virgin but I wasent gettin it like I shOuld. I was On the prawl fOr gOod, lOng, thick, black, DICK! [Yea, I said it girl DICK :O)] and bOy was my jOurney a delightful One. [Hmm.] I've ran acrOss a jOurney Of dick. FrOm lOng, shOrt, skinny, way tOo big, tO just perfect.
SOo the first nigga I wanna intrOduce u tOo On my timeline Of black men that can and cannOt fuck!
Is . . .
JACOB!!!
Man, he was the first nigga I ran up tOo after that whOle fiascO wit ex #1 B went dOwn. Truthfully/hOnestly I met him Off myspace and we bOth went tO the same schOol. We actually, had a few classes clOse by eachOther sOo when we chatted On myspace we wOuld try tO figure Out whO we were b4 actually have'n a actual meet date. Hahah! It was actually funny because we was really try'n figure Out whO we were. Anyways, that didnt last tO lOng until we actually set a date. Haha we met and juss started bustin up cause we've seen eachOther everyday. But turn away when we get that eye cOntact. [SOo, 7th grade] sOo we chilled. FOund Out we had a grip in cOmmOn. And we lOved that. We lOved that we bOth didn't want a relatiOnship, but we really wanted tO have fun.
SOo, Our first encOunter was @ my hOuse. Okay we was bOth stallin fOr a lil bit. It was crazy hahah. But Once we started kissin and rubbin :o) it was all dOwn hill frOm there. That nigga tOok me tO a whOle Other wOrld. I felt like u was On anOther planet. Hahaha.
We was dOin stuff in the pOrns we wOuld sneak tO watch. There was One pOsitiOn he wOuld dO when he was hittin it frOm the back and he had me in a lOwkey chOke hOld. Hahaha. SmH. That SHIT was the bOmb. That shit made me gO crazy. SOo I decided tOo try sOmething I saw in One Of them pOrns, and that was suckin dick. [OMG,Yessss, I said dick. Lol] sOo I went dOwn On him all sexy. U knO I started kiss in him and then his neck went dOwn tO his chest and was givin sOft mOist kisses. Cause sOmeOne being a jerk tOld me that I had DSL's @ the time I didn't knO what it meant but I asked JACOB. And he tOld me I had Dick Sucking Lips. Hahah sOo I put the tOo use. And as far as it being my first time I HATED IT. Cause @ 2O I wanted tO dO the whOle nine I wanted tO dO the whOle sexual experience. Where I can lOose my ass in a wOrld Of lust and emtiOns. Hahaha. [What a fairy tale] sOo fOr almOst year we juss fucked and I never put my mOuth On him. SOoo sOon Our sexual experience gOt bOring. BOring. BOring. [SmH] . . .
We had fun but . . .
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
The day my nightmare turned intO reality.
U knO there's a time in ur life where u juss can't take the same Ol same Ol anymOre. Where u juss wanna hear and see sOme difference.
Well april 2nd was the day. I Opened the stOre as Offical keyhOlder. I felt truely blessed that they wOuld even ask an african american like me. @ that time I thOught the next step in my future is tOo file fOr child suppOrt sOo On april 8th I did juss that. Physically It was the hardest thing fOr me but mentally I knew I was gOnna dO it. And even thO me and derek are friends, the main cOncern is the well-being Of Our sOn. And I clearly can't dO it On my Own [I've tried] he tells me he's leavin fOr the air fOrce after his birthday but a lil part Of me feels that he's lie'n. I mean if u can vanish fOr 5 1/2 mOnths with nO update On ur where abOuts while sOmeOne is pregnant wit ur child, Or if u ask them if there's sOmeOne else and they tell u NO and the u find Out that while he was gOne fOr the 5 1/2 mOnths he was fuckin sOmeOne else the same time he was fuckin u. Yeh, I don't think u wOuld believe them either.
This situatiOn wOuld be sOo different if he wanted tO be wit me but its clear that he doesn't and that's fine. I'm nOt gOnna chase after anyOne anymOre. SOo imma juss chase after what I knOw is rt fOr my sOn. I mean I'm sOo brOke I can barely buy my sOn his diapers and wipes. SmH. And that breaks me everytime. SOo he thinks that he can cOme dOwn here whenever he wants and visits his sOn, while I'm stugglin and wOrkin massively hard tOo survive. That shit breaks me. I hOnestly feel is nOt fair. SOoo On april 8th after I filed fOr CS I went ahead and text'd him and tOld him tO cancel his trip dOwn here cause I wasent in the mOod tOo see him be happy while I'm nOt!. My sOn is my life. My sOn is my wOrld. Next tO GOd he's the air I breath and the reasOn I wOrk as hard as I dO. If sOmeOne jepOrdizes the fOod that cOmes Out my sOns mOuth then I have tO take actiOns accOrdingly.
Filing fOr child suppOrt was nOt in my ultimate plan. But if u have givin sOmeOne 5 1/2 mOnths b4 the birth and 5 mOnths after the birth fOr them tOo get their act tOgether and they hadent yet. WHAT'S LEFT FOR U TO DO?? I try tO be cOrgial but I'm nOt gOnna lie tha fact that he was fuckin sOmeOne else while fuckin me fuckin brOke my heart! LOve is a very bad drug and I'm n rehab. My heart has be ripped tO streads by him. I mean think abOut it. He really wasent there @ ALL durning my pregnancy. He aint helpin me wit Our kid. And I mean if I can't feel any lOwer I see pictures Of them tOgether all Over myspace.
SmH
There's a thin line between lOve and hate. And I'm walkin that line tOwards hate. I've never been sOo pissed Off at anyOne like this. I stay in my zOne and that's it. The desire fOr his sOn tO be well taken care Of shOuld be his main strive tO grind juss as hard as I am. But if it was juss them twO On an island and there was Only One cOcanut left that nigga wOuld eat it first b4 even Offering his sOn any. And that's a damn shame! I don't eat sOme nights juss tOo save my cash. I KEEP SAYIN IN MY MIND he's changed and things will get better. But this muthafucca den gOt cOmfOrtable where he's @. Gettin what he wants when he wants it. Well guess what I'm NOt that type Of chick I have tO wOrk fOr everything I don't have and that's the type Of man jay will be. SOmeOne that won't depend On everyOne and hustle and grind tO get what he wants. He won't and will nOt be a spOiled brat! I refuse!!
Well april 2nd was the day. I Opened the stOre as Offical keyhOlder. I felt truely blessed that they wOuld even ask an african american like me. @ that time I thOught the next step in my future is tOo file fOr child suppOrt sOo On april 8th I did juss that. Physically It was the hardest thing fOr me but mentally I knew I was gOnna dO it. And even thO me and derek are friends, the main cOncern is the well-being Of Our sOn. And I clearly can't dO it On my Own [I've tried] he tells me he's leavin fOr the air fOrce after his birthday but a lil part Of me feels that he's lie'n. I mean if u can vanish fOr 5 1/2 mOnths with nO update On ur where abOuts while sOmeOne is pregnant wit ur child, Or if u ask them if there's sOmeOne else and they tell u NO and the u find Out that while he was gOne fOr the 5 1/2 mOnths he was fuckin sOmeOne else the same time he was fuckin u. Yeh, I don't think u wOuld believe them either.
This situatiOn wOuld be sOo different if he wanted tO be wit me but its clear that he doesn't and that's fine. I'm nOt gOnna chase after anyOne anymOre. SOo imma juss chase after what I knOw is rt fOr my sOn. I mean I'm sOo brOke I can barely buy my sOn his diapers and wipes. SmH. And that breaks me everytime. SOo he thinks that he can cOme dOwn here whenever he wants and visits his sOn, while I'm stugglin and wOrkin massively hard tOo survive. That shit breaks me. I hOnestly feel is nOt fair. SOoo On april 8th after I filed fOr CS I went ahead and text'd him and tOld him tO cancel his trip dOwn here cause I wasent in the mOod tOo see him be happy while I'm nOt!. My sOn is my life. My sOn is my wOrld. Next tO GOd he's the air I breath and the reasOn I wOrk as hard as I dO. If sOmeOne jepOrdizes the fOod that cOmes Out my sOns mOuth then I have tO take actiOns accOrdingly.
Filing fOr child suppOrt was nOt in my ultimate plan. But if u have givin sOmeOne 5 1/2 mOnths b4 the birth and 5 mOnths after the birth fOr them tOo get their act tOgether and they hadent yet. WHAT'S LEFT FOR U TO DO?? I try tO be cOrgial but I'm nOt gOnna lie tha fact that he was fuckin sOmeOne else while fuckin me fuckin brOke my heart! LOve is a very bad drug and I'm n rehab. My heart has be ripped tO streads by him. I mean think abOut it. He really wasent there @ ALL durning my pregnancy. He aint helpin me wit Our kid. And I mean if I can't feel any lOwer I see pictures Of them tOgether all Over myspace.
SmH
There's a thin line between lOve and hate. And I'm walkin that line tOwards hate. I've never been sOo pissed Off at anyOne like this. I stay in my zOne and that's it. The desire fOr his sOn tO be well taken care Of shOuld be his main strive tO grind juss as hard as I am. But if it was juss them twO On an island and there was Only One cOcanut left that nigga wOuld eat it first b4 even Offering his sOn any. And that's a damn shame! I don't eat sOme nights juss tOo save my cash. I KEEP SAYIN IN MY MIND he's changed and things will get better. But this muthafucca den gOt cOmfOrtable where he's @. Gettin what he wants when he wants it. Well guess what I'm NOt that type Of chick I have tO wOrk fOr everything I don't have and that's the type Of man jay will be. SOmeOne that won't depend On everyOne and hustle and grind tO get what he wants. He won't and will nOt be a spOiled brat! I refuse!!
Friday, March 27, 2009
when it hurts by avant
can u take me telling you the truth when i know the situation looks shady
believe me when i say i knew that u would be trippin soo sllipped out in my ride in the driveway soo before we get into something we dont need to get into (im gonna need ur undivided attention, cause its fantasy and reality)
baby which one are we living in?
when it hurts will we still be, the same two lovers all over eachother.
when it hurts will we still see, why we got together, promise that we'd never be temporary (uh huh) ordinary (uh huh)
we should change the definations ppl of love.
soo forget what u heard
the only way that this will work is to love me when it hurts.
** these are my favorite two verses of this song, i mean dont get me wrong this whole damn song hits my soul like an arrow. i mean when it hurts are u gonna still love me? or are u gonna walk away wit no answers to any of ur questions.
cause honestly anything worth havin is really worth fighting for.
believe me when i say i knew that u would be trippin soo sllipped out in my ride in the driveway soo before we get into something we dont need to get into (im gonna need ur undivided attention, cause its fantasy and reality)
baby which one are we living in?
when it hurts will we still be, the same two lovers all over eachother.
when it hurts will we still see, why we got together, promise that we'd never be temporary (uh huh) ordinary (uh huh)
we should change the definations ppl of love.
soo forget what u heard
the only way that this will work is to love me when it hurts.
** these are my favorite two verses of this song, i mean dont get me wrong this whole damn song hits my soul like an arrow. i mean when it hurts are u gonna still love me? or are u gonna walk away wit no answers to any of ur questions.
cause honestly anything worth havin is really worth fighting for.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
U gOt it BAD!!!!!!!!!!!
Ugh! NOw this sOng by usher is really hittin hOme fOr me.
LOve is One strOng emOtiOn and its hOnest that u juss can't turn it On Or Off. I mean shhheeessshhh there has been nights where I've called and I wOuld hang up cause I wOuld lOse my whOle thOught and I wOuld instantly get nervOus abOut talkin tO him. Ha! SIMP IS WHAT U CAN CALL ME!
Even still almOst 2 yrs later I still get nervOus. I'd still try tOo avOid callin him cause I hate ackward silence. What can I say when u find sOmeOne that gives u chills then that's hOw u act. All u want tO dO is impress them and make them like u mOre than they dO already.
Its a hOrrible nOw that I think abOut it. Cause ur heart really gets brOken and strange things cOme Out Of that.
I mean lOok @ lauren hill the mOst talented in the game @ her time. PhenOmoenal musician. She gOt her heart brOken and nOw she's sOo far gOne she turned her back On the music. She turned her back On the Ones [me] that needed her music. Her music be pullin me Out. NOw I'm stuck where she @. But that's what a brOkenheart dOes tO u. It makes u wanna dO stupid ish.
Happines is truely my sanity is sOo tru tO me. And I think I won't stOp until I get it. And I fall intO this "I'll settle fOr anyOne that makes me happy" attitude and there's where I fall @.
Ugh! Its clear I gOt it bad. SmH
LOve is One strOng emOtiOn and its hOnest that u juss can't turn it On Or Off. I mean shhheeessshhh there has been nights where I've called and I wOuld hang up cause I wOuld lOse my whOle thOught and I wOuld instantly get nervOus abOut talkin tO him. Ha! SIMP IS WHAT U CAN CALL ME!
Even still almOst 2 yrs later I still get nervOus. I'd still try tOo avOid callin him cause I hate ackward silence. What can I say when u find sOmeOne that gives u chills then that's hOw u act. All u want tO dO is impress them and make them like u mOre than they dO already.
Its a hOrrible nOw that I think abOut it. Cause ur heart really gets brOken and strange things cOme Out Of that.
I mean lOok @ lauren hill the mOst talented in the game @ her time. PhenOmoenal musician. She gOt her heart brOken and nOw she's sOo far gOne she turned her back On the music. She turned her back On the Ones [me] that needed her music. Her music be pullin me Out. NOw I'm stuck where she @. But that's what a brOkenheart dOes tO u. It makes u wanna dO stupid ish.
Happines is truely my sanity is sOo tru tO me. And I think I won't stOp until I get it. And I fall intO this "I'll settle fOr anyOne that makes me happy" attitude and there's where I fall @.
Ugh! Its clear I gOt it bad. SmH
Monday, March 23, 2009
RnB is the music tO my life . . .
I'm trippin cause these rnb sOngs tOday relate tO me in sOo many ways. Ugh! Its a trip cause the sOng "trust" by keyshia cOle and mOnica. I swear that sOng is a seriOus feeling I'm feeling rt nOw. I juss want him tO be able tO trust me and knO that its wit him I'm tryna be true and faithful tOo.
"Have my baby" by llyOd. Old jam but shit I mean that's enOugh said. Haha. I mean damn!
I be singin alOng and really be feelin it cause that's hOw I be feeling. Lol
"COme Over" by estelle and sean paul. That ish is a hOt/chill jOint. Very sexy. I mean cOme Over sOo I can shOw u what u been missin. Isn't that what she's really sayin? Ha! I wanna be able tO juss tell a nigga that and see what he dO. Oh wait I did. And I was still by myself that night. Hahah shame! Its kOo thO! [:-D]
"Treat u gOod" by llOyd. Nuff said rt? This nigga keeps it real and gets tOo the pOint. Can u say bOut his?? Ha! I'm dOwn wit this nigga.
OMG. SOo I went tO my hOmebOys hOuse tO blOw sOmething in the air and chill and wOrk On sOme music.. Ummmm I gOt a lil crush On him. Hahahah. Okay sOo clearly the way tO my heart is thru my music and ur music. And his music is hOt like fiaaaaaa!
I'm drOwnin in the pOol Of sexy talented men. Hahaha
Off tO wOrk I gO! Thanks fOr reading.
"Have my baby" by llyOd. Old jam but shit I mean that's enOugh said. Haha. I mean damn!
I be singin alOng and really be feelin it cause that's hOw I be feeling. Lol
"COme Over" by estelle and sean paul. That ish is a hOt/chill jOint. Very sexy. I mean cOme Over sOo I can shOw u what u been missin. Isn't that what she's really sayin? Ha! I wanna be able tO juss tell a nigga that and see what he dO. Oh wait I did. And I was still by myself that night. Hahah shame! Its kOo thO! [:-D]
"Treat u gOod" by llOyd. Nuff said rt? This nigga keeps it real and gets tOo the pOint. Can u say bOut his?? Ha! I'm dOwn wit this nigga.
OMG. SOo I went tO my hOmebOys hOuse tO blOw sOmething in the air and chill and wOrk On sOme music.. Ummmm I gOt a lil crush On him. Hahahah. Okay sOo clearly the way tO my heart is thru my music and ur music. And his music is hOt like fiaaaaaa!
I'm drOwnin in the pOol Of sexy talented men. Hahaha
Off tO wOrk I gO! Thanks fOr reading.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
wOnder y I even dO it tO myself. . .
I'm stuck between a rOck and hard place.
I can't seem tO find myself, cause I'm always cOncern'd abOut hOw I make ppl feel.
Y I dO the ish I dO. Is Only because Of my sOn and his well being is the Only thing that I'm cOncern'd abOut.
But the failure tO disrepect me and tO let sOmeOne else disrespect me has tO stOp. I cOnstently argue wit myself because I'm wOrried that sOon imma settle fOr anything.
I knO what I want. He knOws he's wat I want. SOo if there's sOmeOne that's willing tO give u all Of them and willing tO step Outside themselves tO satisfy u, why wOuld u ignOre that? Why wOuld waste their time and give them false hOpe?
Y make them feel like their the Only One? When u knO that their nOt!
What's mOre embarrassing abOut the situatiOn is that u sit and wOnder what they are saying tO them tO make them want tO keep gOin back tO them.
Are they talkin negative abOut u, because they knO if they talk pOsitive abOut u then they'll feel really bad because they knO that ur the Only One that will sit and take ur shit. They knO that ur the Only One that lOves ur flaws juss as much as ur talents and ur ambitiOns. That even if they didn't want u tO dO Or gO sOmewhere that they will still suppOrt u nO matter what.
Ugh! I don't even knO why I put myself thrOugh it! I don't knO why I sit and actually wait fOr his call, like he really is gOnna call like he says he is.
There's sOo much ish I can't even explain. Because the Old tiffani nicole is clearly gOne. And I don't understand where she went. The crazy thing is I don't knO if her being gOne is fOr the gOod Or the bad. Ugh! What is there fOr me tO dO but pray and I'm lOst really I am. I juss really want tO be happy! DAMN I'M INTITLED TO THAT RIGHT?
I can't seem tO find myself, cause I'm always cOncern'd abOut hOw I make ppl feel.
Y I dO the ish I dO. Is Only because Of my sOn and his well being is the Only thing that I'm cOncern'd abOut.
But the failure tO disrepect me and tO let sOmeOne else disrespect me has tO stOp. I cOnstently argue wit myself because I'm wOrried that sOon imma settle fOr anything.
I knO what I want. He knOws he's wat I want. SOo if there's sOmeOne that's willing tO give u all Of them and willing tO step Outside themselves tO satisfy u, why wOuld u ignOre that? Why wOuld waste their time and give them false hOpe?
Y make them feel like their the Only One? When u knO that their nOt!
What's mOre embarrassing abOut the situatiOn is that u sit and wOnder what they are saying tO them tO make them want tO keep gOin back tO them.
Are they talkin negative abOut u, because they knO if they talk pOsitive abOut u then they'll feel really bad because they knO that ur the Only One that will sit and take ur shit. They knO that ur the Only One that lOves ur flaws juss as much as ur talents and ur ambitiOns. That even if they didn't want u tO dO Or gO sOmewhere that they will still suppOrt u nO matter what.
Ugh! I don't even knO why I put myself thrOugh it! I don't knO why I sit and actually wait fOr his call, like he really is gOnna call like he says he is.
There's sOo much ish I can't even explain. Because the Old tiffani nicole is clearly gOne. And I don't understand where she went. The crazy thing is I don't knO if her being gOne is fOr the gOod Or the bad. Ugh! What is there fOr me tO dO but pray and I'm lOst really I am. I juss really want tO be happy! DAMN I'M INTITLED TO THAT RIGHT?
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