wOnder y I even dO it tO myself. . .

I'm stuck between a rOck and hard place.
I can't seem tO find myself, cause I'm always cOncern'd abOut hOw I make ppl feel.
Y I dO the ish I dO. Is Only because Of my sOn and his well being is the Only thing that I'm cOncern'd abOut.
But the failure tO disrepect me and tO let sOmeOne else disrespect me has tO stOp. I cOnstently argue wit myself because I'm wOrried that sOon imma settle fOr anything.
I knO what I want. He knOws he's wat I want. SOo if there's sOmeOne that's willing tO give u all Of them and willing tO step Outside themselves tO satisfy u, why wOuld u ignOre that? Why wOuld waste their time and give them false hOpe?
Y make them feel like their the Only One? When u knO that their nOt!
What's mOre embarrassing abOut the situatiOn is that u sit and wOnder what they are saying tO them tO make them want tO keep gOin back tO them.
Are they talkin negative abOut u, because they knO if they talk pOsitive abOut u then they'll feel really bad because they knO that ur the Only One that will sit and take ur shit. They knO that ur the Only One that lOves ur flaws juss as much as ur talents and ur ambitiOns. That even if they didn't want u tO dO Or gO sOmewhere that they will still suppOrt u nO matter what.
Ugh! I don't even knO why I put myself thrOugh it! I don't knO why I sit and actually wait fOr his call, like he really is gOnna call like he says he is.

There's sOo much ish I can't even explain. Because the Old tiffani nicole is clearly gOne. And I don't understand where she went. The crazy thing is I don't knO if her being gOne is fOr the gOod Or the bad. Ugh! What is there fOr me tO dO but pray and I'm lOst really I am. I juss really want tO be happy! DAMN I'M INTITLED TO THAT RIGHT?