Me and jacOb had much fun. But I wasent entertained by him. I felt bOred in sOme kinda way with him, that made me nOt want tO see him really. SOo we cOol'd it dOwn and tOok a break. SOo wit my head still wrapped in the game and On my prawl. [I gOt the thinking that . . .] I wasn't that niggas girlfriend sOo I had the right tO gO Out and search again fOr whatever I sOo please.
By this time its secOnd semester in my secOnd year in cOllege. And I gOt new classes and new buddies. [:-D]
SOo next On the list
Is . . .
DERELL!!!
I had the audasity tO take an acting class. That was @ 6:3Oa class. All bc "B" cOusin wanted me tO take it with him. SmH, never again I thOught tO myself. The Only gOod thing abOut that damn class is that we had a lOt Of fun grOup activities Outside. And by the time we gOt Outside tO dO the activities it was already 7:3Oa. But there was this One day we went Out and did a grOup activity and I saw this guy that lOwkey lOoked like T.I. But he had hazel eyes. And u knO when u catch the eye Of sOmeOne u knOw Of but don't knO persOnally ur gOnna try tOo keep catchin they eye. And see the crazy thing abOut me is that I'm always dOwn fOr meeting a new friend. [Wink, wink] I'm always dOwn fOr tryin new ish. Haha.
Anyways, fOr a whOole week i wOuld see him at the same time walkin in the same directiOn. Til finally One day we didn't have a grOup activity but I had tO gO tO the bathrOom [;-)]. I left class at excatly 7:3Oa and he was walkin rt pass my class rOom. [Smh, the thOughts that I had in my mind was OutragOus] sOo I gOt bOld and said "hi, derell" then what flipped me Out next was the statement he said after that "hellO, tiffani" he said. I must Of flipped my lid. Cause i hOnestly didn't knO he knew my name.
[Okay fOlks, let me make sure u guys are clear. I'm a 2O year Old sOphmOre flirtin wit
a 18 year Old freshman. Haha]
SOo days went by and we wOuld talk, until One day he came Over because he fOund Out that I lived clOse by his friend. [Ha! Rrriiiggghhhttt!] we chilled and watched a mOvie. And BAM!!! We started kiss'n. This muthafucca really knew hOw tOo kiss me tOo. NOt tOo rOugh and nOt tOo sOft. SOo frOm then On I knew that's hOw I wanted tO be kissed. NOn the less this niggas dick was muchO big. :-) but I knew I wasent gOnna back dOwn. [My mOtO: always try sOmething @ least Once. If u don't like it juss thrOw it away. Ha!] anyways we was fuckin like crazy. Everyday after class we was sOmewhere fuckin. And the funny thing abOut it was we wOuld still see eachOther every mOrning and still say "hi" like we didn't knOw we were gOnna be fuckin in like 15m anyways. Lol.
SOo thru all that I started meetin the dudes he hung arOund. OMG. U wouldn't believe whO caught my eye. . .
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
The stOry abOut JacOb. hmmm.
Well, there was this guy and his name was "B" [we'll juss say that fOr censOring thru Out this reading :o)] and man I guess u can say that we were in lOve. I mean we were never apart. Waited fOr eachOther after class. We tOok the same bus rOutes. Haha. AnywhO we was tOgether pretty lOng. But lets be hOnest, behind all that make-up is an ugly face. I mean we wasent really all the happy.
Ok, sO a mOnth b4 all this was figured Out I talked tO a guy whO's name was "D" [censOring name :o)] yOu knO a girls gOtta have a back up plan. Ha! Anyways B and D played On the same basketball team. They didn't really like eachOther. Blah! [Don't lOok @ me like that I wasent technically cheating and D knew I was dating B :o(] sOo lets zOom further ahead when me and B decided tO break it Off.
SOo we brOke it Off. And right after I did that I called D I went tO see him and we fucked, he was my first real fuck and I'd have tO say that I didn't like it. I actually hated it. Anyways, B fOund Out and slander'd my name all Over myspace. [SOo, embarassing] callin me the names in the bOok. I mean he didn't use my real name nOt One time in the whOooole blOg. SmH. He filped Out cause they was On the same team. I'm like blah. Blah. Blah. Anyways!!!
SOo since I was single I surely ready tO migle. I was 2O @ this age. Wasent a virgin but I wasent gettin it like I shOuld. I was On the prawl fOr gOod, lOng, thick, black, DICK! [Yea, I said it girl DICK :O)] and bOy was my jOurney a delightful One. [Hmm.] I've ran acrOss a jOurney Of dick. FrOm lOng, shOrt, skinny, way tOo big, tO just perfect.
SOo the first nigga I wanna intrOduce u tOo On my timeline Of black men that can and cannOt fuck!
Is . . .
JACOB!!!
Man, he was the first nigga I ran up tOo after that whOle fiascO wit ex #1 B went dOwn. Truthfully/hOnestly I met him Off myspace and we bOth went tO the same schOol. We actually, had a few classes clOse by eachOther sOo when we chatted On myspace we wOuld try tO figure Out whO we were b4 actually have'n a actual meet date. Hahah! It was actually funny because we was really try'n figure Out whO we were. Anyways, that didnt last tO lOng until we actually set a date. Haha we met and juss started bustin up cause we've seen eachOther everyday. But turn away when we get that eye cOntact. [SOo, 7th grade] sOo we chilled. FOund Out we had a grip in cOmmOn. And we lOved that. We lOved that we bOth didn't want a relatiOnship, but we really wanted tO have fun.
SOo, Our first encOunter was @ my hOuse. Okay we was bOth stallin fOr a lil bit. It was crazy hahah. But Once we started kissin and rubbin :o) it was all dOwn hill frOm there. That nigga tOok me tO a whOle Other wOrld. I felt like u was On anOther planet. Hahaha.
We was dOin stuff in the pOrns we wOuld sneak tO watch. There was One pOsitiOn he wOuld dO when he was hittin it frOm the back and he had me in a lOwkey chOke hOld. Hahaha. SmH. That SHIT was the bOmb. That shit made me gO crazy. SOo I decided tOo try sOmething I saw in One Of them pOrns, and that was suckin dick. [OMG,Yessss, I said dick. Lol] sOo I went dOwn On him all sexy. U knO I started kiss in him and then his neck went dOwn tO his chest and was givin sOft mOist kisses. Cause sOmeOne being a jerk tOld me that I had DSL's @ the time I didn't knO what it meant but I asked JACOB. And he tOld me I had Dick Sucking Lips. Hahah sOo I put the tOo use. And as far as it being my first time I HATED IT. Cause @ 2O I wanted tO dO the whOle nine I wanted tO dO the whOle sexual experience. Where I can lOose my ass in a wOrld Of lust and emtiOns. Hahaha. [What a fairy tale] sOo fOr almOst year we juss fucked and I never put my mOuth On him. SOoo sOon Our sexual experience gOt bOring. BOring. BOring. [SmH] . . .
We had fun but . . .
Ok, sO a mOnth b4 all this was figured Out I talked tO a guy whO's name was "D" [censOring name :o)] yOu knO a girls gOtta have a back up plan. Ha! Anyways B and D played On the same basketball team. They didn't really like eachOther. Blah! [Don't lOok @ me like that I wasent technically cheating and D knew I was dating B :o(] sOo lets zOom further ahead when me and B decided tO break it Off.
SOo we brOke it Off. And right after I did that I called D I went tO see him and we fucked, he was my first real fuck and I'd have tO say that I didn't like it. I actually hated it. Anyways, B fOund Out and slander'd my name all Over myspace. [SOo, embarassing] callin me the names in the bOok. I mean he didn't use my real name nOt One time in the whOooole blOg. SmH. He filped Out cause they was On the same team. I'm like blah. Blah. Blah. Anyways!!!
SOo since I was single I surely ready tO migle. I was 2O @ this age. Wasent a virgin but I wasent gettin it like I shOuld. I was On the prawl fOr gOod, lOng, thick, black, DICK! [Yea, I said it girl DICK :O)] and bOy was my jOurney a delightful One. [Hmm.] I've ran acrOss a jOurney Of dick. FrOm lOng, shOrt, skinny, way tOo big, tO just perfect.
SOo the first nigga I wanna intrOduce u tOo On my timeline Of black men that can and cannOt fuck!
Is . . .
JACOB!!!
Man, he was the first nigga I ran up tOo after that whOle fiascO wit ex #1 B went dOwn. Truthfully/hOnestly I met him Off myspace and we bOth went tO the same schOol. We actually, had a few classes clOse by eachOther sOo when we chatted On myspace we wOuld try tO figure Out whO we were b4 actually have'n a actual meet date. Hahah! It was actually funny because we was really try'n figure Out whO we were. Anyways, that didnt last tO lOng until we actually set a date. Haha we met and juss started bustin up cause we've seen eachOther everyday. But turn away when we get that eye cOntact. [SOo, 7th grade] sOo we chilled. FOund Out we had a grip in cOmmOn. And we lOved that. We lOved that we bOth didn't want a relatiOnship, but we really wanted tO have fun.
SOo, Our first encOunter was @ my hOuse. Okay we was bOth stallin fOr a lil bit. It was crazy hahah. But Once we started kissin and rubbin :o) it was all dOwn hill frOm there. That nigga tOok me tO a whOle Other wOrld. I felt like u was On anOther planet. Hahaha.
We was dOin stuff in the pOrns we wOuld sneak tO watch. There was One pOsitiOn he wOuld dO when he was hittin it frOm the back and he had me in a lOwkey chOke hOld. Hahaha. SmH. That SHIT was the bOmb. That shit made me gO crazy. SOo I decided tOo try sOmething I saw in One Of them pOrns, and that was suckin dick. [OMG,Yessss, I said dick. Lol] sOo I went dOwn On him all sexy. U knO I started kiss in him and then his neck went dOwn tO his chest and was givin sOft mOist kisses. Cause sOmeOne being a jerk tOld me that I had DSL's @ the time I didn't knO what it meant but I asked JACOB. And he tOld me I had Dick Sucking Lips. Hahah sOo I put the tOo use. And as far as it being my first time I HATED IT. Cause @ 2O I wanted tO dO the whOle nine I wanted tO dO the whOle sexual experience. Where I can lOose my ass in a wOrld Of lust and emtiOns. Hahaha. [What a fairy tale] sOo fOr almOst year we juss fucked and I never put my mOuth On him. SOoo sOon Our sexual experience gOt bOring. BOring. BOring. [SmH] . . .
We had fun but . . .
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
The day my nightmare turned intO reality.
U knO there's a time in ur life where u juss can't take the same Ol same Ol anymOre. Where u juss wanna hear and see sOme difference.
Well april 2nd was the day. I Opened the stOre as Offical keyhOlder. I felt truely blessed that they wOuld even ask an african american like me. @ that time I thOught the next step in my future is tOo file fOr child suppOrt sOo On april 8th I did juss that. Physically It was the hardest thing fOr me but mentally I knew I was gOnna dO it. And even thO me and derek are friends, the main cOncern is the well-being Of Our sOn. And I clearly can't dO it On my Own [I've tried] he tells me he's leavin fOr the air fOrce after his birthday but a lil part Of me feels that he's lie'n. I mean if u can vanish fOr 5 1/2 mOnths with nO update On ur where abOuts while sOmeOne is pregnant wit ur child, Or if u ask them if there's sOmeOne else and they tell u NO and the u find Out that while he was gOne fOr the 5 1/2 mOnths he was fuckin sOmeOne else the same time he was fuckin u. Yeh, I don't think u wOuld believe them either.
This situatiOn wOuld be sOo different if he wanted tO be wit me but its clear that he doesn't and that's fine. I'm nOt gOnna chase after anyOne anymOre. SOo imma juss chase after what I knOw is rt fOr my sOn. I mean I'm sOo brOke I can barely buy my sOn his diapers and wipes. SmH. And that breaks me everytime. SOo he thinks that he can cOme dOwn here whenever he wants and visits his sOn, while I'm stugglin and wOrkin massively hard tOo survive. That shit breaks me. I hOnestly feel is nOt fair. SOoo On april 8th after I filed fOr CS I went ahead and text'd him and tOld him tO cancel his trip dOwn here cause I wasent in the mOod tOo see him be happy while I'm nOt!. My sOn is my life. My sOn is my wOrld. Next tO GOd he's the air I breath and the reasOn I wOrk as hard as I dO. If sOmeOne jepOrdizes the fOod that cOmes Out my sOns mOuth then I have tO take actiOns accOrdingly.
Filing fOr child suppOrt was nOt in my ultimate plan. But if u have givin sOmeOne 5 1/2 mOnths b4 the birth and 5 mOnths after the birth fOr them tOo get their act tOgether and they hadent yet. WHAT'S LEFT FOR U TO DO?? I try tO be cOrgial but I'm nOt gOnna lie tha fact that he was fuckin sOmeOne else while fuckin me fuckin brOke my heart! LOve is a very bad drug and I'm n rehab. My heart has be ripped tO streads by him. I mean think abOut it. He really wasent there @ ALL durning my pregnancy. He aint helpin me wit Our kid. And I mean if I can't feel any lOwer I see pictures Of them tOgether all Over myspace.
SmH
There's a thin line between lOve and hate. And I'm walkin that line tOwards hate. I've never been sOo pissed Off at anyOne like this. I stay in my zOne and that's it. The desire fOr his sOn tO be well taken care Of shOuld be his main strive tO grind juss as hard as I am. But if it was juss them twO On an island and there was Only One cOcanut left that nigga wOuld eat it first b4 even Offering his sOn any. And that's a damn shame! I don't eat sOme nights juss tOo save my cash. I KEEP SAYIN IN MY MIND he's changed and things will get better. But this muthafucca den gOt cOmfOrtable where he's @. Gettin what he wants when he wants it. Well guess what I'm NOt that type Of chick I have tO wOrk fOr everything I don't have and that's the type Of man jay will be. SOmeOne that won't depend On everyOne and hustle and grind tO get what he wants. He won't and will nOt be a spOiled brat! I refuse!!
Well april 2nd was the day. I Opened the stOre as Offical keyhOlder. I felt truely blessed that they wOuld even ask an african american like me. @ that time I thOught the next step in my future is tOo file fOr child suppOrt sOo On april 8th I did juss that. Physically It was the hardest thing fOr me but mentally I knew I was gOnna dO it. And even thO me and derek are friends, the main cOncern is the well-being Of Our sOn. And I clearly can't dO it On my Own [I've tried] he tells me he's leavin fOr the air fOrce after his birthday but a lil part Of me feels that he's lie'n. I mean if u can vanish fOr 5 1/2 mOnths with nO update On ur where abOuts while sOmeOne is pregnant wit ur child, Or if u ask them if there's sOmeOne else and they tell u NO and the u find Out that while he was gOne fOr the 5 1/2 mOnths he was fuckin sOmeOne else the same time he was fuckin u. Yeh, I don't think u wOuld believe them either.
This situatiOn wOuld be sOo different if he wanted tO be wit me but its clear that he doesn't and that's fine. I'm nOt gOnna chase after anyOne anymOre. SOo imma juss chase after what I knOw is rt fOr my sOn. I mean I'm sOo brOke I can barely buy my sOn his diapers and wipes. SmH. And that breaks me everytime. SOo he thinks that he can cOme dOwn here whenever he wants and visits his sOn, while I'm stugglin and wOrkin massively hard tOo survive. That shit breaks me. I hOnestly feel is nOt fair. SOoo On april 8th after I filed fOr CS I went ahead and text'd him and tOld him tO cancel his trip dOwn here cause I wasent in the mOod tOo see him be happy while I'm nOt!. My sOn is my life. My sOn is my wOrld. Next tO GOd he's the air I breath and the reasOn I wOrk as hard as I dO. If sOmeOne jepOrdizes the fOod that cOmes Out my sOns mOuth then I have tO take actiOns accOrdingly.
Filing fOr child suppOrt was nOt in my ultimate plan. But if u have givin sOmeOne 5 1/2 mOnths b4 the birth and 5 mOnths after the birth fOr them tOo get their act tOgether and they hadent yet. WHAT'S LEFT FOR U TO DO?? I try tO be cOrgial but I'm nOt gOnna lie tha fact that he was fuckin sOmeOne else while fuckin me fuckin brOke my heart! LOve is a very bad drug and I'm n rehab. My heart has be ripped tO streads by him. I mean think abOut it. He really wasent there @ ALL durning my pregnancy. He aint helpin me wit Our kid. And I mean if I can't feel any lOwer I see pictures Of them tOgether all Over myspace.
SmH
There's a thin line between lOve and hate. And I'm walkin that line tOwards hate. I've never been sOo pissed Off at anyOne like this. I stay in my zOne and that's it. The desire fOr his sOn tO be well taken care Of shOuld be his main strive tO grind juss as hard as I am. But if it was juss them twO On an island and there was Only One cOcanut left that nigga wOuld eat it first b4 even Offering his sOn any. And that's a damn shame! I don't eat sOme nights juss tOo save my cash. I KEEP SAYIN IN MY MIND he's changed and things will get better. But this muthafucca den gOt cOmfOrtable where he's @. Gettin what he wants when he wants it. Well guess what I'm NOt that type Of chick I have tO wOrk fOr everything I don't have and that's the type Of man jay will be. SOmeOne that won't depend On everyOne and hustle and grind tO get what he wants. He won't and will nOt be a spOiled brat! I refuse!!
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